First Day of School 2012

So.... I'm having a really hard time today.  For the first time EVER, I am missing the first day of school. (I'm not counting the maternity leave years)  The flu bug hit our house this weekend and Lily and I were up at 3am - it was not a pretty sight.

I did what most teachers do when they or their kids are sick - how sick am I? Can I still send the kid to school/daycare? Which is worse, going to school feeling like crap, or figuring out how to make the day work without me there?  Being sick on the first day is especially strange.  I don't have a homeroom this year, so really, I could "easily" not be there today - but it's killing me.  I'm teary, sad, disappointed.  I love the first day of school, I want to be there. I worked hard to get the library ready, to have some notes for the staff meeting to update staff on library and leadership "happenings," and I like to see the kids, ask about summer holidays, and just really be "present" to help set the tone for the year.

I did rush into the school this morning to get my Leadership kids organized for the morning, and then came home before 8am.  The tough part with a morning class is I have no way of letting them know at the last minute that I won't be there.  No one else is at the school to let them in, so I always go in to open the doors and get them started, and this morning was no exception.  When I do this, the guilt rises up... am I putting school and other people's children ahead of my and my family's needs?  Yep, I am.  I am better about this that I used to be - pre-kids - but it is still an issue, and it is the rare teacher who hasn't done the same.  This is the part of being a teacher that many outside the profession don't see. 

So today I will allow myself to be sad, but also know that I needed to come home to take care of my baby.  I will probably whip back to school, despite the gurgling in my own stomach, when my older daughter comes home from her first day.  Perhaps I can still make most of the staff meeting - it will probably be a long one anyway - but if I don't, I don't.